Week 36 – For His Glory

I am FINALLY realizing that this journey in pregnancy has not been about Reggie and I. Yes, God knows how to give good gifts, and this He is doing as He knits our child together. Yes, children are a heritage from the Lord. We are given the charge to train this child and raise him/her up in the teachings and awe of the Lord. But this journey has been about even more.

In the past, I have read about the miracles God performed in the Bible with awe and gratitude. I have imagined being in the recipients’ shoes, thinking how amazing it would be to watch Him part the Red Sea, bring water from rocks and bread from heaven. I’ve thought about how grateful I would be to be one of those who was blind, and made to see, or lame and made to walk, or Lazarus who was raised from the dead. And then I realized. As awesome as these miracles were, regardless of how much they benefitted the recipient, the ultimate goal of such miracles was that God would receive glory – that people who did not know Him, or did not believe in Him would come to know, love and follow Him.

And so it is with this pregnancy. I have heard more stories of people who have been praying for this season in our lives. Praying that we would conceive again, praying for a healthy and uneventful pregnancy, praying for healing when I had the bout with fibroids, praying that we would go full-term and deliver a healthy, vibrant child. And I realized - this pregnancy is not about us. The anticipation we feel and the excitement we have as we look forward to becoming parents is a by-product of God receiving glory. At the end of this journey (and beginning of the next one in raising the child), God wants people to know Him more fully. He wants to be revealed as the One who creates life and sustains it. He alone provides for this child, through those who belong to Him and even those who do not. He not only hears prayers, but He answers them. He is faithful even when we are not. As we look towards what is potentially the last 4 weeks of this leg of the journey, I say “TO GOD BE THE GLORY, GREAT THINGS HE HAS DONE!”

For His Glory,

Kim

Week 35 - Legacy

“Sons are a heritage from the Lord, children a reward from him. Like arrows in the hands of a warrior are sons born in one’s youth. Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them.” Psalm 127:3-5a

I have given a lot of thought to the idea of legacy lately. According to this passage, children are a heritage, or an inheritance from the Lord. When I think of an inheritance, I think of valuable items that one gives over to the stewardship of another, with the trust that the steward would take care of those things for which he/she did not work. It is a reflection of those things the grantor considers precious.

It seems to me that this verse is often lost to those tasked with the role of parenting. In the weeks that have gone by, we have taken classes on pregnancy and childbirth. We have selected names, colors and furniture. We have gone thru checklists of “absolute” newborn necessities. We have been bombarded with coupons for diapers and formula, offers for cord blood banking and life insurance. However, in all of the preparations, all of the classes, and the plethora of emails and websites, not one has mentioned the importance of preparing to leave a legacy.

Think about it, God considers children “arrows in the hands of a warrior”. This isn’t a warm and fuzzy analogy. It reflects preparing a weapon to be released from a warrior’s hand in order to serve a particular purpose – to do battle. As followers of Christ we are sorely aware that God is allowing us to bring a child into an ever changing, sinful, complex world. We are cognizant of the fact that this child will face challenges that we never deemed possible. There will be insults, misunderstandings, and quite possibly persecution. Our role is to help prepare our precious “arrow” for battle.

True, we may coo, and cuddle (and we will). We may take untold numbers of pictures and videos (and we will). However, the “thing” that will drive us will be to leave a legacy of godliness. Our heart is that this child will know not only that s/he is loved by us, but loved infinitely more by the God who created him/her. Our desire is that we will care for our inheritance well, being earthly reflections of who God is and how it looks to have a true relationship with Him through Christ. We pray to be great (though far from perfect) stewards of the reward entrusted to us, with the prayer that when the time comes to release the “arrow” to the world, God will find him/her ready to do battle – and that they will hit their targets!

By His Grace Alone,

Kim

Week 34 – Who Knew…

Here we are, just weeks away from our due date. It has been an amazingly, unbelievable ride. As I reflect on the last 30+ weeks, I am awed. First, I cannot believe how quickly the time has passed. It feels like yesterday that I checked the second test (yes, the second J) that confirmed “positive”. From the outset of this pregnancy, Reggie and I just sensed that this pregnancy would be different. And God has graciously allowed it to be so. We are grateful.

I get overwhelmed when I think of all that He has done.

Who knew that in the midst of struggling to conceive, He would grant me the opportunity to return “home”, joining a team ministering to young ladies in the country that holds my heart –Ghana? He did. While there He graciously allowed me to use my gifts and passions, while teaching me lessons about His power, the importance of prayer and fasting, and how vital it is to abide in Him, always. And within two weeks of returning, we conceived.

Who knew that along the way God had placed us on different people’s hearts and minds. They were moved to pray for us while we were in the process of conceiving, even those who had no idea we wanted children. Their stories and enthusiasm has been an encouragement to us, while seeing their prayers answered has uplifted them.

Who knew that as we desired that I would stay home, yet were unsure of how that would work, I would be laid off, at 4 months pregnant. BUT GOD opened doors that led to positive changes in Reggie’s employment, 2 months before the baby is due.

Who knew that God would have people gift us with things for the baby long before we even knew we needed them. As we took inventory on what we have, we sat in awe of His provision. He has taught us that His provision comes in many different ways, from the hands of many different people. Thanking God for the obedience of His people.

And, as I sit here I realize that only God knows what is in store for our family's future. We could not have created the path we have walked thus far. Yet, at each turn we have clearly seen His hand, in the challenges as well as the blessings. I am grasping an even deeper meaning of, “For I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you, not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future…” Jeremiah 29:11

And we trust that this is just the beginning.

Gratefully His,

Kim

Week 33 - Grace

Grace. I’ve been thinking about this word lately. We toss this word around quite a bit. We say “grace” before a meal. We ask others to give us “grace” when we fail to follow-thru on something. There are “grace” periods to pay bills. A ballet dancer who dances with ease is said to do so “gracefully”. However, I am fully convinced that we do not understand the weight of this word in regards to our relationship with God.

Many people have heard the biblical definition of grace as being “unmerited or unearned favor” from God. But, exactly how does this grace look?

The ultimate act of God’s grace was that He, as a perfect, loving God who is holy, and without sin created a way for sinful, unholy people to have a relationship with Him. “While we were yet sinners, Christ died for us” (Romans 5:8) Grace.

We deserve eternal death. He devised a way to give us eternal life. “For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son so that whosoever believes in Him will not perish but have eternal life” (John 3:16). Grace.

God determined that Moses would be called his "friend", the one to lead his people out of slavery even though he would be a murderer, argue God’s call on his life and be ill equipped to lead over a million people out of Egypt and in the wilderness for 40 years. Grace.

David was made king of Israel, and was known as a man after God’s own heart with God fully knowing in advance that he would commit adultery and murder. Grace.

God planned for Paul to be his ambassador, writing many of the books of the New Testament, and being known as a great servant of God, even though he would begin his career as Saul, persecutor and murderer of Christians. Grace.

God knew that one day (insert your name) would be (insert where you are, what you are doing, etc. ), even though (insert your name) would disappoint Him, break His heart, walk away from Him, (insert whatever else comes to mind). Grace.

Grace, it’s not as simple as we have come to make it.

"For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith- and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God-not by works, so that no one can boast." (Ephesians 2:8-9)

In the grateful grip of His grace,

Kim

Week 32 – It’s Not Fair

But as for me, it is good to be near God. Psalm 73:28a

Sometimes life is just like that. You simply have to come to the decision that regardless of how things look, how you may feel, how circumstances may or may not line up, there is a truth to hold onto. This truth is, it is good to be near God.

Life is unpredictable. There are times when you may look around and feel as though life is unfair. Truth is, life is unfair. If life was fair we would all be destined for a life separated from God in hell. If life was fair, the blessings we receive would cost us far more than they do. There would have to be a price to pay for waking up every morning with the ability to use gifts, talents, money, and our bodies without so much as a thought towards the One who made this all possible. No, life isn’t fair. A fair God would not have allowed His perfect, sinless Son to die on a cross for our sin. Not a sin, but all sins, yours and mine. No, He is not fair, but He is just, and He is merciful, kind and loving. He loves people. But, He does hate sin. Period. There are negative consequences for sin, for which if He was fair, we would have to suffer ALL of them.

So, in those times when I have been tempted to throw a tantrum and “walk away” because life hasn’t quite lined up the way that I want, or because the path has a few more bumps and curves than I am accustomed to, I remember David’s words in Psalm 139 “Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? If I go up to the heavens, you are there, if I make my bed in the depths, you are there, If I rise on the wings of the dawn or settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast.” (Psalm 139: 7-10).

In other words, the safest, best place for me to be in the midst of joy and sadness, ups and downs, blessings and challenges is near God. He is there anyway, I simply must chose to acknowledge Him and bask in His presence.

Praying to draw nearer,

Kim

Week 31 – Man’s Plans

This week I have been reminded of the truth behind “In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps.” Proverbs 16:9. I have seen how we can come up with a course of action - great plans, God-honoring plans - but if He has determined a different path there is nothing to be done, but walk in them.

My first inclination is frustration. But, who I am, really? I am not able to see what lies around the corner or what my next minute holds. Yet, I have somehow determined that I know what is best better than the God who has already ordained all of my days? Sure, there are times I wish that His chosen course for me would be a little smoother, with less mountains, and storms. I definitely wish I could bypass the suffering and struggles of life. But, somehow, in His kingdom, He really does work all things together for the good of those who love Him. I remind myself that this does not mean that everything that happens will feel good, simply that it will be for the good. Big difference.

So I am learning to hold my plans loosely. At one point in my life, I frustratingly determined that I would no longer make plans and set goals because “God is going to do what He wants to do anyway.” Let me just say, wrong attitude. It is the acknowledgement that I can have desires, goals, plans and dreams, but that God who can see up the road, around the corner, my tomorrow, and years beyond my existence, has the right to alter them as He sees best and fit. Sure, I still may not like all of these decisions (hey, I’m being honest), and there will still be times when it will not feel good. However, I can rest in the reality that God really does love me, He really is a good and just God, who is kind and merciful. And contrary to popular opinion, He really does know what He is doing.

Stepping Aside,

Kim

Week 30 –Seeking God

“But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.” Matthew 6:33

Ever noticed how this verse is often used as a “magic spell”? I do it. If I am particularly stressed about a situation and realize that I have not had “sufficient” time with the Lord (whatever that means). I recite this verse. My thinking is quite selfish. I deduce that the best way to get what I want in that instant, is to read a verse or two, pray, then miraculously expect to receive what I was wanting in the first place. And, I have the nerve to get angry when it doesn’t “work”.

In a recent experience, the moment I felt anger rise up, another passage jammed its way into my mind “What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you? You want something but you don’t get it. You kill and covet, but you cannot have what you want. You quarrel and fight. You do not have because you do not ask God. When you do ask, you do not receive because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures” James 4:1-3.

I wish I could say that my first response was repentance. It was more like “God, how are you going to call me out like that???” Then, I laughed. And eventually repented.

He was right (not surprisingly). My seeking God, His kingdom and His righteousness is to come from a desire to know Him and please Him. It is to come from a place of wanting to love Him with all my heart, soul, strength and mind. Not in anticipation of the things I want Him to do, but, in gratefulness for what He has already done. I love that the passage in Matthew begins with His reminder to look at the lilies and the birds and His care for them and how we are more valuable to Him. They have done nothing to earn His care. He does it because it is His character. He knows what we need. He says to me, you take care of getting to know me, loving me, seeking my heart for you, I’ll handle all the “little” stuff. So, the seeking isn’t a magic formula after all. It comes from a place of trusting God to handle my life, while I handle enjoying Him.

Seeking God,

Kim