Confessions Of A Reluctant Missionary

“Please send someone else. “

“Is it right for you to be angry…?”  “It is, and I’m so angry I wish I were dead.”

“I knew it—when I was back home, I knew this was going to happen! That's why I ran off…”

“I have had enough, Lord.”

At some point along this journey I have uttered these words (or at least thought them). During the first three weeks of our time in Richmond, there had been one unexpected challenge or unmet expectation after another. Combine that with being unsettled, exhausted and a bout of severe insomnia (about 5 hours of sleep in 72 hours)…Yeah. I’d had enough.

But, before you judge me.

You need to know that these words were first uttered by powerful, memorable, although, somewhat reluctant men who were used by God. Moses, who split the Red Sea, and led over 1 million Israelites to freedom, uttered the first phrase. Jonah, the man responsible for preaching a message that led to the repentance and salvation of a nation, said the second two. And Elijah, the man who successfully challenged 7000 prophets of Baal, predicted a drought and effectively prayed for its end, and rode off into heaven in a chariot of fire led by horses of fire (for goodness sake!), said the last. Yeah, I’d say, I’m in good company.

What I have learned over the last few weeks is to just hang on. The fog does clear. Joy really does come in the morning. Joy, not to be confused with happiness. Our circumstances have not changed significantly, but my attitude has. Joy and hope has replaced the anger, despair and frustration that I felt. My trust has shifted as I focus more on God’s purpose in the madness, and not the madness. That has made the difference.

In spite of their frustrations, the men above did some pretty amazing things. And God didn’t change a single one of their circumstances. Moses still led a bunch of rebellious, distrusting people. Elijah still had to go into hiding and trust God to provide in unconventional ways. God still chose to spare a nation of people that Jonah didn’t like. But, in each of their assignments they saw God do things that they never would’ve seen if they chose the safe, easy way out. I guess I’ll stay.

Learning to be a less reluctant missionary,

Kim

The Rest of the Story: Just Say “Yes”

“Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying, “Whom shall I send? And who will go for us? ”And I said, “Here am I. Send me!” Isaiah 6:8

Why are you going to California? Why Richmond? It’s 'hood. Do you know what you are getting yourselves into? Do you know how expensive it is in California? But you have a baby. It’s so different from Tennessee…

These are several of the questions and comments we have received over the course of planning the move to California. Truthfully, these are also all questions and comments I presented to the Lord. But, at the beginning of my protest (which occasionally reappears), I read Isaiah 6. Changed my perspective.

Reggie first presented the opportunity to pray about going to Richmond last April. My first response was a very emphatic, very definite, very clear “NO!” “NO, I am not taking my son to California.” No, I am not leaving my house.” “No, I am not leaving my comforts.” “No I am not leaving my church.” “NO!” Hah!

The problem is, I had already committed a “Yes.” Two years prior, Reggie and I were sitting in Asheville, NC watching a few of their homeless population. We watched the artistic types hustle, the tourists walking around, and we dreamed. We said, “This would be a perfect place for a church plant.” Mind you, we didn’t feel called to plant, we just saw the need, fell in love with the environment, and opened our hearts. We proceeded to list people we thought would be “down” with planting in that type of environment, including the man we believed would be the pastor. Mind you, he was not a pastor…yet.

Then, we became antsy. We had talks about moving to a more eclectic neighborhood in Nashville. We told a few of our friends about our discussion, including the “future pastor”. We even told him if he ever planted a church, we could see God leading us to be a part. I remember going to a friend’s wedding in Los Angeles. Loved it, and had the nerve to send my current pastor a message on Facebook, jokingly asking him if he ever considered planting “Strong Tower Bible Church - West, as in California". Do you see where this is going? I had already committed a “Yes”.

Back to last April.

Reggie came home one day telling me that our friend, the “future pastor” (who was eventually ordained), was led to help pastor a church-rebirth in Richmond - Living Hope Neighborhood Church. He went on to share about the church, its mission to love God and love people, how they serve the homeless community, are passionate about sharing the gospel, and how they are discipleship and community focused. Then, he reminded me about our previous conversations (our “Yes”), and encouraged me to at least pray about it. I researched a little, and decided that I had no need to pray about it. “No!”

As God would have it, a dear friend of mine previously asked me to speak at Impact’s staff women’s retreat on experiencing revival in your heart and your calling. Let’s see - an opportunity to share God’s word (which I love), with Impact women (whom I love), on the beach in Florida. Absolutely. Another “Yes.”

So, I prepared to share about Isaiah 6. I went thru how Isaiah's revival occurred after he was “ruined” after getting a vision of God’s glory. How his being ruined led to his repentance. How his repentance led to God’s cleansing, which eventually led to God asking two simple questions “Whom shall I send? And who will go for us?” And Isaiah replied, “Here am I. Send me.” Obedience.

There it is, plain and simple. Obedience. For a few years I had been asking God what my calling was. What He wanted me to do with my life.  What I was supposed to be when I grew up. And it was really quite simple. Obey when He called. Just say, “Yes.”

In Isaiah’s account, God did not initially tell Isaiah where He would send him, what it would involve, or how it would happen. He simply asked “Whom shall I send?” And, I realized that’s how many others in the Bible received their calling. Abraham was told to just “Go.” Noah was told to “Build”. Moses was told to “Lead.” Mary was told to “Birth.” Paul was told to “Preach.” And Jesus was told to “Die.” But, many of the details came after “Yes.”

So, we said, “Yes.” We didn’t have all of the details. We still don’t. We still are not sure what our roles will be, or how things will look. We are still looking for employment, still looking for housing. All we know is God said years ago “Whom shall I send? And who will go for us?” And we said, “Here we are. Send us.”

Daily striving to say “Yes”,

Kim

MOVING Forward

Israel Houghton's "Moving Forward" is my theme song these days, because it’s time for “The Move”.

We are making plans to move to Richmond, California this month. Actually. This week.

This season has been filled with so many emotions. One minute we are eagerly anticipating the possibilities that ministry in Richmond holds, the next minute there is anxiety over leaving the “ease” of the Bible belt.

There will be excitement over the close proximity to beaches, diverse cultural experiences, and California living, followed by a wave of sadness at not being able to enjoy these things with those that we are leaving behind.

Yet, we realize that we are not alone in this. The same God who has cared for us in the other places we have lived (Chicago, Johnson City, Dallas, Cape Town, Orlando, and Nashville) goes before us now. My favorite psalm still rings true…”you discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways…You hem me in, behind and before” (Psalm 139:3, 5).

Since we are in the throes of packing, visiting, and preparing for our lives in Richmond, it feels like we are caught in a whirlwind. But, God has graciously given us a year to prepare our hearts for the transition. Along the way, we have been asked many (many) questions about why we are moving. I hope to briefly answer a few of those here.

Why are you moving? We are moving to be a part of a church re-vitalization, Living Hope Neighborhood Church (http://www.lhnchurch.org)

Are you going alone? No. There is a couple from our current church that has already relocated, and another family will be going as well. In addition, there are 2 families from our church that “randomly” ended up with jobs in the same area.

What will you be doing? We are going with open minds and the desire to serve wherever, and however necessary. There are so many opportunities and various ways to use our gifts. It really feels like a blank slate and fresh start.

How did you make this decision? Long story. The short version is, a few years ago Reggie and I talked about our openness to being a part of a church that we believed some friends of ours would eventually plant. At the time, we assumed it would be in the Nashville area. Not. Years later they felt called to Richmond, CA and we decided to pray about joining them. One thing led to another, which led to another, and here we are. At some point I’ll share the full story.

How can we pray right now?  Peace. Smooth transitions and adjustments. Peace. Employment (there are several possibilities, but nothing definite yet). Peace. J Long-term housing. Safe travels.

Stay tuned!!

Moving forward
The Gillespies