In the Father’s Presence

I’ve been watching Enoch lately. At two years old, he is in that imitation stage. He imitates actions, words, intonations, and, from his momma, facial expressions. But, I have noticed something else. As much as I have seen ways that he imitates me, it is nothing like his interaction with his daddy.

Recently, I have noticed that he simply wants to be with his father, doing whatever he does. If it is building a bookshelf, Enoch grabs his tool chest, and comes right alongside to "help Daddy". If Reggie sits backwards on a chair, Enoch does it. He imitates everything – how daddy eats, what daddy drinks (“Enoch make coffee too”), and how daddy helps others. When he is disciplined by either of us, or simply not happy about a situation, he can be heard wailing, “Daaa-ddy”.  He loves his father, and knows that his father loves him. So, he wants to be like him, and wants to be with him – even in the face of discomfort.

The most eye-opening experience occurred this past Tuesday. Enoch has been having difficulty sleeping thru the night for about a week, waking up screaming and/or crying at least twice. Tuesday night, Reggie decided to sit in the chair in Enoch’s room. Just until he fell asleep. Enoch slept thru the night. Not a sound. Just the comfort of falling asleep in his daddy’s presence gave him peace.

I long to be like Enoch. To love the Father so much that I strive to imitate Him in every way. Even when it seems impossible. I long to be so attentive to what God is doing, that without question, I jump in, because I have already settled in my mind that if Daddy is doing it, it must be good. I long to learn to cry out for “Daddy”, even when He disciplines me, because I know it is because He loves me and He can rescue me. I long to be able to rest. To be at peace simply because I know that Daddy is with me.

 

This week, I am drawn to this psalm 

Psalm 84

"How lovely is your dwelling place,
 Lord Almighty!

My soul yearns, even faints, for the courts of the Lord; 
my heart and my flesh cry out 
for the living God.

Even the sparrow has found a home,
 and the swallow a nest for herself, where she may have her young

—
  place near your altar,
 Lord Almighty, my King and my God.

Blessed are those who dwell in your house;
 they are ever praising you.

Blessed are those whose strength is in you, 
whose hearts are set on pilgrimage.

As they pass through the Valley of Baka, they make it a place of springs; the autumn rains also cover it with pools.

They go from strength to strength, till each appears before God in Zion.

Hear my prayer, Lord God Almighty listen to me, God of Jacob.

Look on our shield, O God; look with favor on your anointed one.

Better is one day in your courts than a thousand elsewhere; 
I would rather be a doorkeeper in the house of my God 
than dwell in the tents of the wicked.

For the Lord God is a sun and shield; the Lord bestows favor and honor; 
no good thing does He withhold 
from those whose walk is blameless. Lord Almighty, 
blessed is the one who trusts in you."

Resting in His Presence,

Kim

Tolerating vs Embracing

We live in a culture where “tolerance” is a buzz word. Employers instruct employees to be “tolerant” of one another’s religions, sexual preferences, lifestyles, etc. There are “tolerance” classes and seminars. Some groups are bashed for being “intolerant” when they don’t agree with the actions or belief systems of another.

Recently, however, God has challenged me on my “tolerance” levels. Particularly when it comes to His will. See, there is a problem with tolerance. It is incomplete. For purposes of the post, let’s use Merriam-Webster definitions of tolerance as “1) capacity to endure pain or hardship; 2a) sympathy or indulgence for beliefs or practices differing from or conflicting with one's own 2b) the act of allowing something."

Tolerant people have the mindset of putting up with something.

Now, contrast that with embracing, defined as “1a)to clasp in the arms : hug

1b) cherish, love 2) encircle, enclose 3a to take up especially readily or gladly 3b) to avail oneself of : welcome.

You know the difference. That annoying co-worker who doesn’t understand personal space. The boss who has all of the answers and no people skills. The family member who sucks the life out of family gatherings with complaining, fighting, begging, etc. Those are people we tend to tolerate. You endure them for the sake of enduring- usually because you feel as though you have to do so. And, it is rarely enjoyable.

However, there are those people we embrace. The sweet woman at church who always seems to have the right words to encourage, and if nothing else, a big hug. That friend who has your back – supports you and rebukes you as circumstances warrant it. Your sibling who knows your hopes and dreams, and has been your best friend for as long as you can remember. Your child. Your spouse (hopefully). You want to spend time with them. You treasure it, arrange for it, look forward to it.

Transfer that to God’s will. I have come to realize over the last 2 weeks that I have been tolerating God’s will during this move. It is evident in thoughts like this “You’re God, you’re going to do what You want anyway.”  “I moved to Cali to obey You. Isn’t that enough?” "I’m here, but I don’t like it one bit.” Yes, I have obeyed, but I’m just putting up with His plan for now. Sure, I’ll serve as needed. Use my gifts when it is warranted, but underneath it all I simply view it as “enduring pain or hardship”.

He wants me to embrace His will. That does not mean it will not be difficult. That does not mean there will not be times when I want out.  But the attitude behind it will not be one of tolerating His will (and thus, Him), but one of embracing - out of love. Because I love Him, I am willing to do what He has called me to. Because of my love for Him I can respond as Paul “I count it all as dung for the sake of knowing Christ” or, like Mary, "May it be to be as you have said." Or, Christ “Not as I will, but thy will be done.”

I am learning that the distance between tolerance and embracing is a short, four letter walk – LOVE, but it will take a lifetime to fully achieve it. I’m starting my journey today.

Embracing HIM one day at a time,

Kim

Gillespie Jan/Feb Update - Expect the Unexpected

If we had to choose a theme for 2012, it would be ”expect the unexpected.” 2012 began full of plans, hopes and dreams. We had direction – we knew that sometime during the year we would be relocating to Richmond, CA. The anticipation was more than we could bear. Yes, we were nervous, unsure of what the future would hold, but we were excited to see what God would do. And we were full of expectations. 

We expected to move in June and decided Reggie would go ahead to start working and secure housing. Enoch and I planned to join him a month later after tying up loose ends in TN and spending time in North Carolina with family. We expected (assumed) that our family was complete for now. We began having conversations about adopting in the future. We expected a smooth, easy transition into 

California living, getting into a home and feeling settled by six months. We expected to develop amazing relationships with those in our community as a result of hosting in our own home. 

Reality was… 

Within two weeks of leaving Tennessee, several employment prospects fell through, in very odd ways, while a couple of people informed us that God laid it on their hearts to support us as missionaries. We never mentioned we planned to be missionaries. In fact, we had no intentions of being full time missionaries again, but God was making it very clear that those were His plans for our lives.  

Six weeks after arriving in CA, Reggie and I had a conversation that we believed our family was complete for the time being, and we would look into adopting in the future. Unbeknownst to us, we were already pregnant. And, at our 20 week ultrasound we found out we were pregnant with twin girls.   

Our transition has been anything but smooth. We stayed in 5 temporary housing situations in 7 months – with a two year old, while pregnant, and adapting to a new and very different culture. 

We have developed amazing relationships. But, not in the way we had anticipated. We have been the recipient of God’s grace as people have hosted us, prayed for us, prayed over us, encouraged us, supported us, cried with us, loved on us, given to us, and held us up in what has been some of our weakest moments. 

We admit, we do not want a repeat of the challenges of 2012. It has, by far, been one of the hardest times of our lives. Yet, we see God’s hand in the unexpected. We have grown tremendously in 7 short months. We have learned to trust God more. We have learned to pray with fervency and expectation. We have learned that God is a provider even when the provision does not look as we expected. We have grown together as a couple, learning to fight for and with one another in trying times instead of against one another. We have learned that God sustains.  And we have seen true community in action. Oh, and in 2013 we have decided to free ourselves from expecting anything 

other than God to be God. 

While we have seen God’s hand in unexpected ways in our personal lives, we have also seen Him move as we have used our gifts of serving, teaching, craftsmanship, wisdom, etc. 

There have been many opportunities to serve our community, from weekly Saturday services where breakfast is served to the homeless and under-served in our area to hosting our 1st eye clinic, which provided eye care services (including free glasses) to almost 500 people 

in our county. Pictured from top to bottom: Thursday night weekly outreach to the Richmond High football team, our first Victory Weekend Women’s retreat and children from AWANA, our outreach to children in Richmond.

I feel like LHNC is a modern day Gideon’s army - a picture of God’s ability to do much with very few- in the end He gets the glory! 

Breaking free from expecting anything other than God to be God, 

Reggie, Kim, Enoch (and the twins) 

Prayer  |  Praise 

• After 7 months and many, many prayers, we are finally in our own apartment!!!!!  
• Kim had the opportunity to speak at our Victory Weekend women’s retreat Jan 11&12. It is amazing to hear of ways women have and are experiencing victory in their lives. You can hear all of the talks at www.lhnchurch.org. Go to “Sermons”. 

Please pray… 

• That the pregnancy will continue on smoothly, with no complications and that the twins go full term. …In the words of Enoch, Kim has a very “BIG belly”  
• That we are aware and obedient as God provides various ways for us to serve our community. 
• Continue to pray for our support raising/ministry partner development. We are praying for and trusting God to be fully supported by the time the twins arrive.  

Your financial support can be given online at lhnchurch.org or mailed to

Living Hope Neighborhood Church 2800 Rheem Ave.  |  Richmond, CA 94804 

The Challenge of the Call

“Then he said to them all: ‘Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me.” Luke 9:23

“Jesus replied, ‘Foxes have dens and birds have nests, but the Son of Man has no place to lay his head.’”Luke 9:58

“In the same way, those of you who do not give up everything you have cannot be my disciples.” Luke 14:33

“In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” John 16:33

Where in these passages does it say that if I follow Christ, obey His commands, follow Him and His will, I will live happily ever after?

Right. It doesn’t. In fact, these passages indicate quite the opposite.

Yet, I have led myself to believe that is the case. I had decided that since we obediently uprooted our lives, rented out our safe, suburban home, and moved across country to the “hood”, we were destined to live “happily ever after”. And, when the opposite occurred, I emotionally crashed.

The truth is, I suspect many of us secretly subscribe to this thinking. I have come to think of it as an “undercover” prosperity gospel. No. We don’t voice the belief that God wants to only bless you with good health, great wealth and easy living, but we live like it.

I’ve thought things like “This move to California is out of obedience, so things will just fall in line…” I was told things like, “God will bless your obedience. He will open doors in response.” Well meaning. A bit of truth. He has blessed our obedience, but those blessings were not things “falling in line” how I wanted them to.

Quite the contrary, nothing has manifested itself in the way I desired, planned or expected. There has been one challenge after another. And, my natural tendency has been to question if God has really called us here. Surely obedience would not be met with hardship and instability. Surely hardship means we are on the wrong path. But… maybe not.

David, after being anointed king, spent years on the run from his current king, Saul. Yet, his challenges did not change his calling.

Joseph had dreams that he would one day be in authority over his family years before he became the 2^nd in command Egypt. Those years were filled with betrayal, false accusations, abandonment, slavery and false imprisonment. Yet, these things did not change his calling.

Christ is the King of Kings, Lord of Lords, Alpha and Omega, yet he walked earth as the Son of Man, and was ridiculed, betrayed, denied, abandoned, beaten and killed. These challenges were His calling.

As much as I admittedly loathe the challenges we face, as much as I cry out like David “How long?” and “Why have you forsaken me?” As much as I want to call out like Christ “Take this cup away from me”. I am comforted in knowing that we are not alone. There are challenges associated with the call. So I hold onto God’s truth. “And, being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.” Philippians 1:6  

Holding fast,

Kim

Confessions Of A Reluctant Missionary

“Please send someone else. “

“Is it right for you to be angry…?”  “It is, and I’m so angry I wish I were dead.”

“I knew it—when I was back home, I knew this was going to happen! That's why I ran off…”

“I have had enough, Lord.”

At some point along this journey I have uttered these words (or at least thought them). During the first three weeks of our time in Richmond, there had been one unexpected challenge or unmet expectation after another. Combine that with being unsettled, exhausted and a bout of severe insomnia (about 5 hours of sleep in 72 hours)…Yeah. I’d had enough.

But, before you judge me.

You need to know that these words were first uttered by powerful, memorable, although, somewhat reluctant men who were used by God. Moses, who split the Red Sea, and led over 1 million Israelites to freedom, uttered the first phrase. Jonah, the man responsible for preaching a message that led to the repentance and salvation of a nation, said the second two. And Elijah, the man who successfully challenged 7000 prophets of Baal, predicted a drought and effectively prayed for its end, and rode off into heaven in a chariot of fire led by horses of fire (for goodness sake!), said the last. Yeah, I’d say, I’m in good company.

What I have learned over the last few weeks is to just hang on. The fog does clear. Joy really does come in the morning. Joy, not to be confused with happiness. Our circumstances have not changed significantly, but my attitude has. Joy and hope has replaced the anger, despair and frustration that I felt. My trust has shifted as I focus more on God’s purpose in the madness, and not the madness. That has made the difference.

In spite of their frustrations, the men above did some pretty amazing things. And God didn’t change a single one of their circumstances. Moses still led a bunch of rebellious, distrusting people. Elijah still had to go into hiding and trust God to provide in unconventional ways. God still chose to spare a nation of people that Jonah didn’t like. But, in each of their assignments they saw God do things that they never would’ve seen if they chose the safe, easy way out. I guess I’ll stay.

Learning to be a less reluctant missionary,

Kim

The Rest of the Story: Just Say “Yes”

“Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying, “Whom shall I send? And who will go for us? ”And I said, “Here am I. Send me!” Isaiah 6:8

Why are you going to California? Why Richmond? It’s 'hood. Do you know what you are getting yourselves into? Do you know how expensive it is in California? But you have a baby. It’s so different from Tennessee…

These are several of the questions and comments we have received over the course of planning the move to California. Truthfully, these are also all questions and comments I presented to the Lord. But, at the beginning of my protest (which occasionally reappears), I read Isaiah 6. Changed my perspective.

Reggie first presented the opportunity to pray about going to Richmond last April. My first response was a very emphatic, very definite, very clear “NO!” “NO, I am not taking my son to California.” No, I am not leaving my house.” “No, I am not leaving my comforts.” “No I am not leaving my church.” “NO!” Hah!

The problem is, I had already committed a “Yes.” Two years prior, Reggie and I were sitting in Asheville, NC watching a few of their homeless population. We watched the artistic types hustle, the tourists walking around, and we dreamed. We said, “This would be a perfect place for a church plant.” Mind you, we didn’t feel called to plant, we just saw the need, fell in love with the environment, and opened our hearts. We proceeded to list people we thought would be “down” with planting in that type of environment, including the man we believed would be the pastor. Mind you, he was not a pastor…yet.

Then, we became antsy. We had talks about moving to a more eclectic neighborhood in Nashville. We told a few of our friends about our discussion, including the “future pastor”. We even told him if he ever planted a church, we could see God leading us to be a part. I remember going to a friend’s wedding in Los Angeles. Loved it, and had the nerve to send my current pastor a message on Facebook, jokingly asking him if he ever considered planting “Strong Tower Bible Church - West, as in California". Do you see where this is going? I had already committed a “Yes”.

Back to last April.

Reggie came home one day telling me that our friend, the “future pastor” (who was eventually ordained), was led to help pastor a church-rebirth in Richmond - Living Hope Neighborhood Church. He went on to share about the church, its mission to love God and love people, how they serve the homeless community, are passionate about sharing the gospel, and how they are discipleship and community focused. Then, he reminded me about our previous conversations (our “Yes”), and encouraged me to at least pray about it. I researched a little, and decided that I had no need to pray about it. “No!”

As God would have it, a dear friend of mine previously asked me to speak at Impact’s staff women’s retreat on experiencing revival in your heart and your calling. Let’s see - an opportunity to share God’s word (which I love), with Impact women (whom I love), on the beach in Florida. Absolutely. Another “Yes.”

So, I prepared to share about Isaiah 6. I went thru how Isaiah's revival occurred after he was “ruined” after getting a vision of God’s glory. How his being ruined led to his repentance. How his repentance led to God’s cleansing, which eventually led to God asking two simple questions “Whom shall I send? And who will go for us?” And Isaiah replied, “Here am I. Send me.” Obedience.

There it is, plain and simple. Obedience. For a few years I had been asking God what my calling was. What He wanted me to do with my life.  What I was supposed to be when I grew up. And it was really quite simple. Obey when He called. Just say, “Yes.”

In Isaiah’s account, God did not initially tell Isaiah where He would send him, what it would involve, or how it would happen. He simply asked “Whom shall I send?” And, I realized that’s how many others in the Bible received their calling. Abraham was told to just “Go.” Noah was told to “Build”. Moses was told to “Lead.” Mary was told to “Birth.” Paul was told to “Preach.” And Jesus was told to “Die.” But, many of the details came after “Yes.”

So, we said, “Yes.” We didn’t have all of the details. We still don’t. We still are not sure what our roles will be, or how things will look. We are still looking for employment, still looking for housing. All we know is God said years ago “Whom shall I send? And who will go for us?” And we said, “Here we are. Send us.”

Daily striving to say “Yes”,

Kim

MOVING Forward

Israel Houghton's "Moving Forward" is my theme song these days, because it’s time for “The Move”.

We are making plans to move to Richmond, California this month. Actually. This week.

This season has been filled with so many emotions. One minute we are eagerly anticipating the possibilities that ministry in Richmond holds, the next minute there is anxiety over leaving the “ease” of the Bible belt.

There will be excitement over the close proximity to beaches, diverse cultural experiences, and California living, followed by a wave of sadness at not being able to enjoy these things with those that we are leaving behind.

Yet, we realize that we are not alone in this. The same God who has cared for us in the other places we have lived (Chicago, Johnson City, Dallas, Cape Town, Orlando, and Nashville) goes before us now. My favorite psalm still rings true…”you discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways…You hem me in, behind and before” (Psalm 139:3, 5).

Since we are in the throes of packing, visiting, and preparing for our lives in Richmond, it feels like we are caught in a whirlwind. But, God has graciously given us a year to prepare our hearts for the transition. Along the way, we have been asked many (many) questions about why we are moving. I hope to briefly answer a few of those here.

Why are you moving? We are moving to be a part of a church re-vitalization, Living Hope Neighborhood Church (http://www.lhnchurch.org)

Are you going alone? No. There is a couple from our current church that has already relocated, and another family will be going as well. In addition, there are 2 families from our church that “randomly” ended up with jobs in the same area.

What will you be doing? We are going with open minds and the desire to serve wherever, and however necessary. There are so many opportunities and various ways to use our gifts. It really feels like a blank slate and fresh start.

How did you make this decision? Long story. The short version is, a few years ago Reggie and I talked about our openness to being a part of a church that we believed some friends of ours would eventually plant. At the time, we assumed it would be in the Nashville area. Not. Years later they felt called to Richmond, CA and we decided to pray about joining them. One thing led to another, which led to another, and here we are. At some point I’ll share the full story.

How can we pray right now?  Peace. Smooth transitions and adjustments. Peace. Employment (there are several possibilities, but nothing definite yet). Peace. J Long-term housing. Safe travels.

Stay tuned!!

Moving forward
The Gillespies