Week 29 - To My “Phil Jackson”

To My “Phil Jackson”

So, I grew up in Chicago during the Michael Jordan and Chicago Bulls reign. During that that time I grew to admire the talent of the team, but even moreso the leadership of the coach, Phil Jackson. As I’ve watched him with the Lakers (while not rooting for them by ANY stretch of the imagination), I have seen the same leadership. I’m reminded that as the king goes, so goes the nation. We have seen companies, churches, nations, teams, etc. with great potential, only to fall by the wayside because the leadership, well, sucked. Families are the same way.

Over the last two months Reggie and I have been in a childbirth class that teaches husband-coached childbirth. In the class, the husband is called the “coach” and I have jokingly started calling him “Phil Jackson”. Phil leads his teams well, has high expectations, and seems to rarely “lose it”. Well, Reggie is better :D

Over the last two weeks, I have seen my sweetie in action and I am grateful for the man that he is. I awakened in a panic one morning at 4:30 am because I was having a false labor contraction. He calmly turned over, reminded me that those are Braxton-Hicks, and took me for a walk around the block, at 4:40 am, because, as he says “That’s what they said to do in the class.” Hah, I know the literature. He practiced it.

During the itching and especially with the fibroid ordeal, he has been an amazing coach. Praying over me, reminding me to trust God with the baby, cooking and cleaning after he determined that bed rest would be best while I heal. I have learned a lot about servant-leadership by watching him this week. Exhausted, yet patient. Long days at work, yet willing to come home to serve me, and insistent that I allow him to. When I lamented about not being able to do much, he rebuked me, reminding me that such thoughts were pride, and that he committed to doing this when we married (“in sickness and in health, remember?”, he says).

So, I am grateful. And, I have determined to give honor to whom honor is due, when it is due. I have been blessed with a wonderful gift. Unearned and often taken for granted. Nagged (waaay to often) and often underappreciated. Allow me to take this time to say thank you to a man who in my eyes is a much better “coach” than Phil will ever be. I love you, boo ;)

Humbled by God’s grace,

Kim

Week 28- Not Your Momma

Who knew that within two weeks of dealing with surrender, I would be face to face with the opportunity to do just that? In the last two weeks I have been plagued by two lesser known potential effects of pregnancy – itching and a degenerating fibroid. One was intense itching from the inside out, all over, everywhere, similar to an allergic reaction (right, allergic to pregnancy…really???). The other causes extreme pain that has been known to land women in the hospital for days while pumping narcotics into her system. Fun, right?

Anyway, in both situations I was faced with the option of remaining miserable (uncomfortable, stressed, anxious, and sleep-deprived, which could lead to contractions) or taking medication. Instantly I went into protective “momma” mode. "But I’m not supposed to take meds. There is no such thing as a safe drug during pregnancy. This is the trimester where the brain is developing. But what if…"

After being unable to cope with the discomfort, especially of the fibroid, I finally allowed myself to take Tylenol. I may as well have eaten a Tic-tac. The pain remained as excruciating as ever. I would need a more potent medication (in this case, Percocet). This process was not going to be easy. I could see the hand-writing on the wall. “Trust God.” “Surrender the baby to Him.” The realization hit me that as much as I can do to protect and care for the baby, I am limited, s/he really does belong to the Lord.

Psalm 139 has David saying that God knit him together in his mother’s womb. Not his mother. David praises God for being fearfully and wonderfully made. Not his mother. God ordained and wrote all of David’s days before one of them came to be. Not her. God knew David’s thoughts and heard his words before he spoke them. He saw David rising, sleeping, going out, and coming in. God hemmed him in- totally. His momma could do none of that.

So I prayed, surrendered the baby to the Lord, thanked Him for being God who could counteract anything., and took the pill. Until the next opportunity…

Steadily surrendering,

Kim

Week 27 Total Surrender

I’m not sure about you, but for me the picture of surrender is not a pleasant one. I see a tattered man, well-worn for the battle he has fought, emerging from a foxhole, with a raised white flag. His face wears exhaustion, yet a hint of relief. Relief over not having to fight anymore. Relief that his battle, for all practical purposes is over. But, there is sadness, as he slowly comes to the realization that he has lost.

Reading Merriam-Webster’s definitions of surrender doesn’t help me either.

1a : to yield to the power, control, or possession of another upon compulsion or demand b : to give up completely or agree to forgo especially in favor of another

2a : to give (oneself) up into the power of another especially as a prisoner b : to give (oneself) over to something (as an influence): to give oneself up into the power of another : yield

So I struggle, thinking that there has to be more this “surrendering all” to the Lord. I realize that the word surrender is not used in describing our relationship to the Lord. But the concept is. We are called to “submit to God”, “trust Him” “Love Him with all of your heart, soul and strength” “Take up our cross and follow Him”.

So the principle is there. And then, I realize that my issue is with my perspective of surrender, my limited view, and the objects I've seen. The key is to whom I choose to surrender.

My vision of the tattered man is based upon wars stories where people are fighting for land and power. God has this. In my limited understanding, the people in control have used cruelty and forced hands to get what they wanted, they were motivated by greed and/or hatred and the desire to win. God is motivated by love. He knows the hairs on my head and created me. He doesn’t have to “win”. He’s God. I can trust Him wholeheartedly because He “who began a good work in will carry it on to completion” (Phil 1:6). I can love Him because “God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” (Romans 5:8). I can submit to Him because “…in these last days he has spoken to us by His Son, whom He appointed heir of all things, and through whom he made the universe. The Son is the radiance of God’s glory and the exact representation of His being, sustaining all things by His powerful word.” (Hebrews 1:3). I can take up my cross because Christ modeled this, with His struggle, “Abba, Father, everything is possible for you. Take this cup from me. Yet not what I will, but what you will.” (Mark 14:36). Yet, we see His obedience, when while on the cross, ” When He had received the drink, Jesus said, ‘It is finished.’ With that, He bowed His head and gave up His spirit.” (John 19:30)

So yes, surrender it a struggle. And it is continual, not a one-time action. I am regularly faced with opportunities to surrender thoughts, actions, fears, decisions... It can be a battle between what I want, what I feel, and what I think is best. Yet, the key is to remember the object of my surrender, the WHO I choose to surrender to. Surrendering to God is coming to the realization that He created me, loves me, guides me, protects me, provides for me, disciplines me, encourages me, comforts me, carries me, etc. etc. I have seen the benefit and joy of the ultimate surrender, in Christ, “...who for the joy set before Him endured the cross…” (Hebrews 12:2).

“Now to the King eternal, immortal, invisible, the only God, be honor and glory for ever and ever. Amen” (1 Timothy 1:17)

Daily learning to surrender,

Kim