Just in time for Valentine's Day....

On March 3, Reggie and I will celebrate 7 years of marriage. I am an internal processor and introspective. So, I have already started quietly reflecting. There are a number of things I have evaluated and re-evaluated. Questions I asked and answered. Lessons and challenges revisited. The night/morning this was written, I was in such a state of mind. Exactly where am I? What have I accomplished? What have I learned? How have I grown? How has my life been impacted by our marriage? How has Reggie made me a better woman? How have I..?

Notice something? Yeah. These questions about our marriage are all about me.

Me. I. The anti-marriage focus.

The interesting thing is, the passage that came to mind to combat this train of thought (or path towards destruction, if you will...) was not your traditional marriage passage. We have attended marriage conferences and seminars (Weekend to Remember, Love and Respect, Art of Marriage). We have read relationship books and attended both pre-marital and marital classes (DNA of Relationships, Five Love Languages, etc). We answered 101 questions before we got engaged (yes, that is really a pre-engagement book). We participated in pre-marital counseling and took assessments.

In most (if not all), this familiar passage in Ephesians is addressed "Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord... Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church..." (Ephesians 5:22-33). And, this passage in Genesis and Ephesians, "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will be one flesh."(Genesis 2:24).
So, I sort of expected to be rebuked with one of those.

No.

This is the passage that God brought to mind:

Kim, in your marriage "If you have any encouragement from being united with Christ (which you've had), if any comfort from his love (which you have), if any fellowship with his Spirit (which you have), if any tenderness and compassion (which you have), then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and purpose. Do nothing out selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider <your husband> as better than <yourself>. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interest of <the other>"*. (Philippians 2:1-4)

Ouch.



*italics are added for my emphasis

A (Not so) Gentle Rebuke: God Knows What you Need…People Don’t.

Dear Believers, Sisters and brothers in Christ, Followers of the One true God, 

Let’s talk.

Over the last year, I have learned many very valuable lessons, about the Lord, about myself, and about what it means to live in community with other believers. One (of the many) verses that has impacted me is, "Do not be like them, for your Father knows what you need before you ask him." (Matthew 6:8).  I love this verse. It reminds me that God is Sovereign (supreme ruler of all) and that He is omniscient (knows everything). It reminds me that I do not need a formula or specific words, and even though I will not always "get it right" in prayer, He is still a loving provider. Yes, He likes to be asked – similar to my occasional desire for Enoch to actually ask me for a peanut butter sandwich at lunchtime, even though I’m preparing to give him one anyway. God knows. But, asking acknowledges our dependency on Him and our appreciation for who He is. Asking is a part of the relationship we are developing with Him. I love this.

My gentle rebuke is for those of us who expect people to be God. The verse says that GOD knows what we have need of before we ask. People don’t.  Your spouse, small group leader, friend, pastor, co-worker, etc. has no real clue about what you need unless you make your needs known. And, sometimes, you truly may not know what you need. You may realize something is amiss, but are unable to fully articulate how to "fix it". If that happens, its ok. But say that. Be honest. Be real. Be authentic. 

I am guilty of this (the Lord and my husband knows). I will be angry about something. Well, honestly, I will usually be hurt or disappointed by something, and it manifests itself as anger. My husband will ask me what is wrong. You know the typical answer - a huffed up, eye-rolling, neck-cocking, foot-stomping  “Nothing.” And then I sulk off into a corner or room, alone.

Lies. All lies.

I may try to hide it under the guise of "keeping the peace" or, if I try to put a biblical spin on it "living at peace" as much as it is left up to me. But, this is not keeping the peace, or being polite, this is lying. And lying is sin.

There is something wrong. My husband knows it, I know it, God knows it, and any living individual in the general vicinity knows it. 

There seems to be this cultural thing within American Christian churches where we go from one extreme to the other – we either complain and fuss about everything with a sense of entitlement or we pretend that everything is “hunky-dorey”(whatever that means), and tell everyone we are good, life is good, church is good, and God is good (all the time).  Meanwhile, we are crumbling, depressed, angry, bitter, withdrawn, and “breaking up" with spouses, family members, friends, churches, pastors, schools, jobs, and whoever or whatever else fails to meet our needs and expectations.

Disagreements within the Body of Christ are not new. Paul saw his share and was personally involved in some (with Peter and Barnabas). He pleaded with two women to be of the same mind in the book of Philippians. Disagreements happen. How we handle them makes the difference.

"In your anger, do not sin..." (Ephesians 4:26a - actually the entire chapter is great to read for this)

“If your brother or sister sins, go and point out their fault, just between the two of you. If they listen to you, you have won them over. But if they will not listen, take one or two others along, so that ‘every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses..."(Matthew 18:15-16)

"Therefore if you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any common sharing in the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and of one mind. Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others. In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus.." (Philippians 2:1-5, again, the entire chapter is helpful)

Only God is perfect, and perfectly holy. The Bible tells us that.

 “There is no one holy like the LORD, Indeed, there is no one besides Thee, Nor is there any rock like our God (1 Samuel 2:2).

The rest of us are fallen, imperfect individuals, prone to blow it, disappoint, deceive, and frustrate. The Bible tells us that.

“All have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.” (Romans 3:23)

So what we need is God's grace.

For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— not by works, so that no one can boast (Ephesians 2:8-9)

Then, we are to extend grace to others,

And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive them, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins.” (Mark 11:25)

So, the next time someone blows it, fails you, disappoints you, or falls short of your expectations, do them a favor and tell them, then, try to cut them some slack. And prayerfully, they will work to do the same with you. 

Gratefully His,

Kim

Joy Comes in the "Mourning"

For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. 2 Corinthians 4:17

What a difference a year makes.

In 2012-13, Reggie and I were in the midst of the hardest season of our marriage. There was one challenge and unmet expectation after another as we experienced a bit of circumstantial whiplash. We were weary, frustrated, and anxious.

I was angry. I had no joy. And most dangerously, I had lost hope.

I was sure God had abandoned us and secretly determined that I would do well to return the favor.  But, David’s words came to mind “Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? If I go up to the heavens, you are there; 
if I make my bed in the depths, you are there. If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me,
 your right hand will hold me fast…” (Psalm 139: 7-10)

If I "abandoned" Him, where would I run? Who would I turn too?

At my lowest point, I sat on the bathroom floor, weeping – lamenting - questioning the meaning and purpose of life.  As God would orchestrate, it was the life that I carried (unbeknownst to me at the time, they were twin girls) – and my 2 year-old son – that God used to begin to bring me out of despair. They needed me – physically, emotionally, and spiritually. And, the struggles we faced were but “light and momentary troubles” in the grand scheme of all that God has planned for our lives. How short-sighted I was to want to give up the journey because I hit a roadblock or two.

The truth is, life sometimes sucks. I cannot think of any other way to phrase it. It just does. We get sick. Loved ones die. Longings go unfulfilled. Relationships die. Financial struggles arise. It happens. But, be assured, joy comes in the morning and mourning.

When I “snapped back” into reality, our circumstances did not miraculously change. But, that brief moment of sanity led me to share with my husband my level of despair. He recommended we take that despair to friends, who then took it to God – with us and for us.  And, in the midst of mourning, came joy. In the middle of not having employment or a place to call our own, of being in a new state, with a 2 year old, while pregnant with twins – came a life-saving reality – God is still God. That brings joy. There is joy in knowing that I belong to the God who created the earth with just the words “let there be”. He is powerful enough to fix my problems. There was joy in knowing that the same God from whom I could not escape in my anger, I could not escape in my pain. He is everywhere. There was joy in knowing that the same God who countless times rescued His people both physically and eventually, eternally, could rescue me. He is loving. There is joy. 

And, where there is joy, there is hope.

As you read this, if you are wondering if God has abandoned you, He has not. If you are wondering if He hears – He does. Joy does come in the morning. 

As I reflect over the year, I have seen God as Jehovah Jireh, the God who provides.

He has provided a place of our own and the resources to cover our family.  He has granted new life. I think about friends, who this time last year were grieving the loss of a parent. This year they are celebrating the arrival of a new baby. Other friends were grieving the loss of unborn children. This year, they are looking forward to the coming arrival of a child.  Another wonderful reminder of His grace in our lives is found in the names and joyful personalities of our twin daughters, conceived and birthed during this stressful season…

Isabella Joelle means “devoted to God”and “Jehovah is God"

Issa Joy means  “God saves” and "joy"

Indeed, joy comes in the mourning/morning.

Grateful,

Kim

Desert Song by Hillsong encouraged me tremendously through this season. May it encourage you as well.

Psalm 30

I will extol You, O Lord, for You have lifted me up,
 And have not let my enemies rejoice over me.

O Lord my God,
I cried to You for help, and You healed me.

O Lord, You have brought up my soul from Sheol;
 

You have kept me alive, that I would not go down to the pit.

Sing praise to the Lord, you His godly ones,
 and give thanks to His holy name.

For His anger is but for a moment,
 His favor is for a lifetime;


Weeping may last for the night,
 but a shout of joy comes in the morning.

Now as for me, I said in my prosperity,
“I will never be moved.”

O Lord, by Your favor You have made my mountain to stand strong;
 

You hid Your face, I was dismayed.

To You, O Lord, I called,
 and to the Lord I made supplication:

“What profit is there in my blood, if I go down to the pit?
 Will the dust praise You? Will it declare Your faithfulness? Hear, O Lord, and be gracious to me; 
O Lord, be my helper.”

You have turned for me my mourning into dancing; 


You have loosed my sackcloth and girded me with gladness, that my soul may sing praise to You and not be silent.


O Lord my God, I will give thanks to You forever.